More Non-Violent Womyn

Lately the news has been chock-full of heartening, exciting, empowering stories about ass-kicking womyn who are never, ever violent.

For starters: Have you ever wanted your life-sucking infant to SHUT THE FUCK UP?

Well this hot mama found a great way to do it… use chili powder until the infant croaks by the sheerest of accidents!

Yeah, I’ll have to remember that one for future. And the so-called ‘death’ was all men’s fault anyway.

After all, it was fucking men who delivered the chili powder to the womyn’s supermarket in the first place, putting the blame squarely on their shoulders. What were those careless bastards thinking?

Over in Jordan, an ass-kicking vagina-warrior was foiled by the Patriarchy from her attempt to express her Grrrl-Power with a liberating (and fashionable!) explosive-filled vest.

As you might expect, the sexism of the situation is well-captured by this quote:

“The woman is a beast,” said Tarek Khourma… 

Oh yeah? Why the FUCK can’t men handle strong womyn?

Yeah, she’s a ‘beast’ all right– a firey, femi-beast bold enough to kick a little Patriarchal butt! Hah! If the world had a few more womyn like this so-called ‘beast’, then violence would become a thing of the past.

And from my home state o’ Texas, we have this awe-inspiring tale:

Bloody hand prints on the side of his taxi marked Richard Allen Cullum’s fight to pull himself back into his vehicle as he was dragged to death in east Midland early Thursday. Police say a female passenger forced the man partially out of the vehicle before gaining control of the cab and hauling his body for up to a mile.

You go, GRRL! Show that bastard who’s boss!

But it wasn’t a clean victory: the trail of blood and guts stretched for hundreds of feet. Typical fucking male! dirtying-up a perfectly good road with his entrails! Blech!

Finally, and most mirthful of all, a dear sweet lil’ teen-age grrl held-down a 15-year old oppressor scumbag so that he could be ass-reamed by a raging pit-bull.

Haha, oh you silly chick. You crack me up! Rape is just oh-so-hilarious and entertaining when it happens to the right kind of people– the ones with penises, that is.

Swiftly, the Patriarchy punished this little hellraising sister by giving her a slap on the wrist– a punishment far too severe, in my opinion. Especially when you consider the gleeful exuberance which resulted from what she did.

As is typical whenever a womyn acts-up, you get some male whiners throwing-in their two cents. Some of the letters which were written about that news story were truly pathetic:

“…we have a system that refuses to hold female psychopathy to the same standard to which it holds male psychopathy.”

WAHH! WAHH! BOO HOO FUCKING HOO! Maybe I’ll pay attention to that comment as soon as the author GROWS A VAGINA and starts suffering the indignity of monthly cramps. As if we need some fucking male crybaby to point-out what some would call obvious… even though I certainly never will call it that.

Oh, and next week, I’ll probably find time to write a post about how the rape of womyn ought to be punished by firing-squad because it’s never a laughing matter. The sick act of sexual assault on any womyn must always be punished for the horrifying infamy that it is. I can’t fathom the vile inhumanity ofanyone who would ever downplay the horror of sexual assault…

(Giggle! I still can’t get that hilarious image out of my head. A vicious dog anally-penetrating a squrming boy- Hahahaha! Oh, my sides are hurting!)

Us White College Womyn Are SO Oppressed, WE Should Riot Too!

Every now and then, I get SO fucking tired of being oppressed that I just want to scream.

I look at all the oppression that has been routinely inflicted on womyn all through herstory. The foot-binding of womyn in Tang dynasty China, the bride burning in India and Pakistan, honor killings in the Muslim world, infibulation in sub-Saharan Africa. And, as I solemnly observed last month, the expansion of the Assyrian Empire hit womyn the hardest. But all of this pales in comparision to the most vicious, degrading and monstrous form of oppression of all- that which gets directed at womyn like ME.

Sure, I’m white. (But that doesn’t mean I enjoy white privileges.) Sure, I come from a middle-class suburb. (But that doesn’t mean my family ever gave me any advantages.) Sure, I’m in college. (But that only proves how hard it is for womyn to get education.) Sure, I have people offering to hold doors open for me and I never have to pay for my own dinner or lift anything heavy if I don’t feel like it. (But that just symbolizes how little respect I get.) And sure, I brag that I’m a sexy gorgeous goddess. (Not that it matters, since my brain is what I want people to admire.) But all of that doesn’t mean I’m not still horribly and pitiably oppressed by men, who I am also equally tough and capable as anyway.

Despite the fact I’m in my twenties, I’ve been oppressed for thousands of years. And I can’t imagine ANY group that is more oppressed in the whole world than white, middle-class, suburban college womyn in the early 21st century. And when I spotted this post on blackfeminism.com, it got me thinking: if black womyn wonder if they’re justified by rioting- then why shouldn’t us white middle-class college womyn consider rioting as well? We are obviously the most oppressed group of them all, so anything we could ever do is absolutely acceptable.

To my black sisters: not only is it a “white power structure”, it is a “white male power structure”. So that gets us white womyn totally off the hook. None of us white chicks ever aidedabetted or benefitted from the kinds of injustices which have been rampant throughout the sad history of race-relations… That’s why we can go to bed at night without any trace of guilt.

And to my white middle-class college-educated sisters: because we’re so horribly beaten-down and subjugated and deprived and unfairly-treated, this means we ought to riot! RIGHT NOW! Just like the riots in France, we must throw stones! We must overturn cars and light them ablaze! We must put the torch to any building that displays pornography. Or images of models who are thinner and more beautiful than we are. Or messages that promote violence– against womyn, that is.

We must do this to show that, gosh-darn it, us white middle-class suburban college wimun of the industrialized world are pissed-off as hell and we’re not gonna take it anymore!!!!!!!111!

So go outside this instant! Grab a crowbar, start swinging! Throw Molotov cocktails! Bash-in everything you see! Loot a Shop-N-Save! If the police tries to arrest or restrain you, then that’s more delicious proof of your oppression which indicates that everything you’ve done is wholly justified. There’s no way you can lose this game, darling!

Being oppressed has never felt so sweet…

For V-Day, We Must Increase Awareness of (Certain Types of) Violence!

Today is V-day! No- not that digusting celebration of stupid lame-ass “love”. (PUKE! PUKE!)

The V-day that I celebrate is all about “Violence”!

Not just any old violence. THE Violence!

You’ll notice that us V-day backers always phrase it as “The Violence” because violence against womyn is The only form of violence on the planet that really matters.

But when we talk about “violence against womyn”, we’re not referring to womyn who’ve had violence inflicted upon them by other womyn. Like this baby girl who had her arms chopped-off by her momOr this 8 year old girl (and 2 useless brothers) who were smothered to death by their momOr this baby girl who was suffocated by her momOr this autistic girl who was given a shotgun blast by her momOr these girls who were repeatedly beaten and cut by their momOr this foster-daughter whose mother blinded her by jabbing a syringe into her eyesOr this womyn who has been accused of stabbing her 60-year old mother to death. No, those don’t count as “The Violence” because there are no fucking MEN involved and those acts are therefore useless for feminist purposes.

“The Violence” doesn’t include acts like racist female postal workers who go nuts and randomly gun-down co-workers of both sexes. That kind of violence is useless for feminist purposes because a womyn did it and womyn were not necessarily the sole victims of it.

“The Violence” certainly doesn’t include the acts of former Rwandan Minister for Womyn Pauline Nyiramasuhuko, either: profil_photo

Yes, she may be complicit in helping the the Interahamwe militia murder and sexually-assault large numbers of Rwandan refugees during the 1994 genocide– but that violence doesn’t matter to us feminists because the perpetrator has a vagina. And based on her official position, Pauline must have been doing the right thing anyway. Same goes for Rwandan nuns like Consolata Mukangango and Julienne Mukabutera. Helping to massacre over 7,600 people at a convent in Butare, including throwing gasoline on a building in which hundreds of people were seeking shelter, did nothing to contribute to “The Violence” as we feminists define it.

Closer to home, even though government statistics show that the number of girls ages 10 to 17 who have been arrested for aggravated assault has doubled over the past 20 years, violence by womyn is never part of “The Violence” because it doesn’t help us throw guilt and blame onto men.

In fact, I kind of welcome womyn getting violent. These brave chicks now challenge the boyz’ in the hood by being the kind of super-cool, switchblade-wielding liberated females who are unafraid to fly into out-of-control raging fits! WOO-HOO!! Sort of like this former topless dancer who finally realized who the real enemies are and reacted the way any sane feminist would– by mailing bombs to tv stations and nudie bars while blaming the Patriarchy.

So what counts as “The Violence”? A story like this one: a seemingly willing womyn has sex on-camera and later accuses her sex partners of raping her even though the video directly contradicts her claims.

She also laughed at least 27 times during the sex, moaned intensely when she wasn’t laughing and cheered the men to sexual heroics with, “Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!”

“I just like sex,” Moonier said at one point on the tape. “I can’t help it.”

I suggest you read the whole thing to understand just how brainwashed this poor womyn was. She even told her attackers how to attack her and complimented them on the size of their rape-tools while they did it. Truly, a more victimized womyn cannot be found.

Anyway to increase public awareness about the useful categories of Violence, on my campus we’re designating a special time at 7 PM tonight when all the ass-kicking chick-warriors will gather into the quad and inflate a 50-foot plastic vagina. We shall then gather around it in a vagina-shaped human chain and chant “CUNT! CUNT! CUNT! CUNT!” until we faint from exhaustion.

But V-Day isn’t all fun and games, my systyrs: there are fucking MEN out there who selfishly want to steal the public spotlight all for themselves.

I’m referring to the unfunny bastards who came-up with Testaclese the Penis-Warrior!

How dare they make public displays involving parts of the male anatomy! How disgusting and offensive can you get?!

As you can see, the leering swine brutally ASSAULTS every innocent womyn he can get his filthy phallic hands on to!
Testaclese

My sisters, we must TAKE BACK Valentine’s Day! We must return this celebration to its original and proper feminist intention: increasing public awareness of how only men are evil!

Dynamite Womyn Need Gender-Parity!

As you are all aware, the accursed Patriarchy is always brainwashing us womyn in subtle (and not-so-subtle) ways to make us think we can’t succeed in so-called “male-dominated” realms. Among these areas in which womyn always get shortchanged is the glamorous world of secretly-concealing explosive devices in places where there are plenty of unsuspecting passers-by.

You and I know perfectly damned well that us womyn are equally-capable of linking a detonator to a block of C-4, packing nails around it for shrapnel and stepping onto a commuter-train with a mysterious bulge under our clothes. But almost every case you hear about in the news involves fucking MEN. There is only one way to put it, my systyrs: there is a Bomber-Gap!

And there is only one possible cause for any disparity between the sexes: discrimination! And the worst kinds of discrimination are those which fail to put us wimmin first.

Ahh, so now you’re frothing at the mouth I see.

Feel that delicious sensation of martyrdom? Good. Let it overwhelm you. For only when resentment clouds all of your judgement can you start to think like a true feminist.

Let me assure you that there is much worse news to come, my fellow feisty minxes. Us wymyn are being discriminated against despite the fact that we have always been at the forefront of hiding things that go ka-BOOM. Why, consider the feisty vagina-warrior Thenmuli Rajaratnam (shown below on the left).

ThenmuliRajaratnam

In 1991 in the town of Sriperumbudur, she hid RDX and thousands of tiny metal bits under her sari and blew the snot out of Indian Penis-Minister Rajiv Gandhi and 16 others nearby. All of this at the young age of 17. You GO, you spunky chick you! WOO-HOO!! I bet no one ever forced her to scrub a toilet!

Or how about Kim Hyun Hee?

KimHyunHee

In 1987, this scrappy twin-fisted North Korean grrrl-illa proved to the world that a womyn could hide a chunk of plastique just as well as any man. She even brought-down KAL flight 858 over the Indian Ocean. Right-on! I bet the 115 people on board sure got a lesson in Pussy-Power that day!

But even though she took cyanide after being caught, the Patriarchy still managed to keep her alive for trial. Grrr, doesn’t that just make you mad??

We can’t overlook Ulrike Meinhof either:

Meinhof

An old-school rebel, this badass German hottie was a leading member of the Baader-Meinhof Gang and helped to carry-out a fucking awesome display of fireworks during the early ’70s. A fighting fräulein to the very end, she refused to give the Patriarchy the pleasure of holding her down. This righteous chick gloriously hanged herself in her cell in 1976, truly getting the last laugh. Or the last gag in this case.

In fact, a complete list of similarly raucous, hair-trigger gladiatrixes could go on and on for days. Don’t even get me started about the ass-whomping Chechen chicks that I admire so much. But despite all our progress against inequality, most people (i.e, sexist motherfuckers) still persist in believing that wimyn could not do such acts.

Here is a fact: The Patriarchy is always propagandizing us to not blow stuff up. And because that’s just what the Patriarchy wants us to do, we must therefore do the exact opposite. That is why I think we should immediately initiate a new campaign: Gender-Parity for Suicide-Bombers!

There should be a sweeping effort to promote womyn throughout this field.

We have to get federal money to create special programs for wimmin only!

Female mentors are needed to serve as role-models for plucky grrl-bombers!

Mandatory harassment seminars must be started for male suicide-bombers!

Perhaps even a “Tape Your Daughter To Grenades Day”?

SuicideBomberBarbie

What’s the matter, that’s not “ladylike” enough for you? Tough shit! It’s called “equality”, asshole! DEAL WITH IT!

That’s right, dickheads. Move-over cuz there’s a new sheriff in town. Like any feminist, she demands fifty% of the glory and zero% of the responsibility!

The type of defiant acts that I propose may be a bit too painful for a mainstream womyn to contemplate. But that’s only because most womyn have become so indoctrinated and mind-dulled by pervasive Patriarchal influences like the brassire, the bikini, the wolf-whistle and the Barbie Dreamhouse. That is why completely non-brainwashed feminists like us must comprise the vanguard of this movement and lead by our gutsy and laudable example.

So what are you waiting for, my fellow karate-chopping vagina-warriors? Don’t delay! Hoist the Patriarchy by its own petard! Why not drive to the nearest South Dakota courthouse with a carload of Semtex?

Sadly, I can’t contribute to this effort because of a bad knee. But some of you other face-smashing, cantankerous, punchy warrior-grrrls out there can pick-up the slack on my behalf.

And remember: just before you hit the detonation switch be sure to scream: “Thank Goddess womyn are never violent!”

Another Non-Violent Womyn

What travesy of justice is this?!

A woman who stabbed her Royal Marine former boyfriend to death in a “jealous rage” after he accidentally called her by the name of his new girlfriend has been jailed for life.

It’s obvious this womyn was acting 100% reasonably.

I mean, there is absolutely NOTHING more irritating than when my Latino boyfriend calls me Amanda instead of Amynda. As if I want a foul word like ‘MAN’ befouling my beautiful name. I get the urge to cut the bastard pretty deep whenever he does that. Grrr!

(By the way, the fact that I have a Latino boyfriend proves that I’m not a man-hater.)

Giving this poor, delicate, non-violent womyn time in prison seems a bit harsh to me.

Bradley was found sobbing next to [her victim’s] body, saying: “I did not mean it. What have I done?”

See? She said she was sorry! What the hell is the murder victim so upset about? He’s a man, and if he can’t get over it then he’s a fucking whiner.

Anyway, I bet she could use some cheering-up. Maybe she’d like one of these knife-blocks as a present?

Great Present Idea for Any Feminist

Nothing quite cheers me up more than seeing a male form with lots of pointy blades sticking through it.

Best of all the womyn in question was not sentenced for “life”, exactly…

Yesterday the judge told Bradley, who has a seven-year-old daughter, she would serve a minimum term of nine years, less the one year, three months and 11 days she had spent in custody.

How about that? Non-aborted fetuses can be good for something after all.

More Examples of Non-Violent Womyn

Lately there has been increased media attention regarding womyn who have… ahem… supposedly committed acts of violence.

(Snicker…)

What a bunch of Backlash! News items like that are intended to retard womyn’s progress.

Everyone knows that wimmin are never violent and in fact can never be violent. Because even though were are equally-capable of doing anything a man can do, only men can do violent things.

It is true that we feminists claim that womyn are equally strong as men. Why, some of us even like to quip that we will kick any man’s ass if he gets too mouthy. But we could never inflict pain. Though we are quite strong, we are also conveniently weak. And men are impervious to injury. Bullets just bounce-off ‘em.

There is absolutely no way a womyn could ever inflict damage on a man who is larger than she is. Well, maybe if she used a knife or a hammer, that might help. Or if she threw a sharp object or boiling water at him. Or maybe if she waited until he was asleep and attacked him… nahh, none of that could happen. It’s all too difficult to imagine.

Anyway, to show how impossible it is for womyn to be violent, take a look at
this CNN article from last week:

The executive director at [Domestic Abuse Shelter Homes], Donna LeClerc, said her group is dealing with more and more cases of women abusing their mates, though Department of Justice statistics show spousal abuse arrests nationwide have dropped significantly during the past decade.

“Men have gotten the point that it’s not OK to do those things, but somehow it’s turned around, and it’s OK for women to do those things,” LeClerc said.

Well lah-dee-dah! Look at the brainless Stepford Wife: “Blah blah blah, it’s OK for women, blah blah! I suck Patriarchy-cocks blah blah! I hate myself, blah blah!”

Fuckin’ traitor.

Okay, maybe that article was a bad example of how wimmin are never violent. We certainly wouldn’t use violence against young children who couldn’t fight back like in these two cases right here: A Brooklyn mother will be imprisoned for killing her toddler son and a Boston woman pleaded guilty to slitting the throat of a friend’s baby.

When analyzing these events, it’s important to realize a very simple truth: The Patriarchy was to blame in both cases because men made them do it!

When judging the behavior of these two womyn, we must try to compassionately understand them and the pain that drove them to such acts– every bit of it caused by some man behind the curtain.

Perhaps they were abused some years before? Yeah, that’s always a good one.

Perhaps they were just acting-out their frustration at being paid 73 cents for every dollar a man makes?

Or perhaps their boyfriends simply told them to kill the children? Yes, and these poor wimyn were only following the orders of their all-powerful male masters. And in the latter case, maybe the boyfriend deliberately planted the baby in the path of her swinging knife?

So many questions, so few answers…

But anyway, this much should be crystal-clear once and for all: women are never violent.

If you doubt that, I’ll kick your teeth in.

On This Day in Herstory…

… in 1892 the bodies of Andrew Jackson Borden and Sarah Morse Borden were discovered in their home in Fall River, Massachusetts. They’d been hacked to bits with an axe.

Needing some vagina-having slut to blame, the patriarchy took the Borden daughter Lizzie into custody.

liznews-tb

Being a feisty ass-kicking womyn who can do no wrong, Lizzie claimed innocence and was the true victim of the trial despite the preponderance of evidence against her. So great was her mental anguish that she swooned in the courtroom, winning much sympathy from the all-male jury, who eventually found her not guilty.

Once again, this demonstrates how impossible it is for a womyn to get justice in this man’s world which always conspires to keep the Systyrhood down.

If Lizzie was a fuckin’ MAN, would the trial have turned-out the way it did? Of course not! The Patriarchy always protects its favorites. Sure, a male version of Lizzie wouldn’t have gotten sympathy by fainting at the trial but never mind.

Many years after she was found not guilty, Lizzie became the subject of my favorite nursery rhyme:

Lizzie Borden took an axe
And gave her mother forty whacks.
When she saw what she had done
She gave her father forty-one.

Ha ha ha! Good times…

Today, feminist jurists help to keep Lizzie Borden alive by constantly cooking-up new excuses for women who go on trial for murder. Hopefully, accused female killers can be given a chance to exploit chivalrous and paternalistic social traditions that we feminists would otherwise profess to despise.

And if you read our blogs whenever a high-profile female killer comes into the news, we’ll often manage to manufacture torturously convoluted explanations that no one would otherwise buy.

Andrea Yates? Sure, she waited until her husband left the house, locked the doors and took her 5 kids one by one (going from weakest to strongest) into the bathroom and brutally held them under water until they stopped breathing but that doesn’t make her a killer. She was trying to save them from the devil! Why doesn’t she get kudos for trying to protect them?

Why, she even chased one kid through the house and dragged him back to the tub to finish the job. A less-dedicated mom would’ve given-up the chase far more easily!

Happily, Andrea’s earlier conviction for murder was recently overturned by reason of insanity. Insanity brought-on by our womyn-hating society which bombards her with images of skinny fashion models and wage-gaps. She was depressed and it’s only natural for a depressed mother to kill her kids. And she wasn’t in a state of mind to know that killing kids is wrong which is why she waited for her husband to leave the house before she did it.

Adding to her grief, now she’s left without children. No mother should ever have to witness the death of her own babies. Some might call this “chutzpah”, but we feminists prefer to call it “having sympathy for the real victim”.

Look, it’s very simple: the kids popped-out of her pussy, they belong to her and she’s free to destroy her kids however she wants. She drowned her kids using her body and no fuckin’ patriarchy can tell a womyn what not to do with her body. The end.

And what about the husband in all this, huh? It’s his fault for leaving her alone with them! Why the fuck does he get off the hook? Fuckin’ men.

What if a Texas MAN had drowned five kids in a bathtub? Would the patriarchy condescendingly stigmatize him as being ‘insane’? NO! He’d be called a spree killer and be put in the electric chair a Cool Dude and be given a warm handshake. Grr!

And check-out this vagina warrior: A mother accused of cutting off part of her son’s tongue with hot scissors avoided a 5-year prison sentence and was sentenced to 10 years probation. YES!

It’s about time that fuckin’ kid learned to watch what comes-out of his bandage-filled mouth. That bastard probably learned a well-deserved lesson. In fact, I’m 100% sure that the punishment would’ve been similar if the dad had cut-out his son’s tongue in the same way.

And if the father doesn’t pony-up enough cash to pay for speech-therapy, the mom ought to raise hell!

Remembering Ms. Borden fills me with hope and a desire to emulate her example. We feminists look forward to a day when we can shave “Get-Out Of Jail Free” into our pussy hair after killing or maiming whoever we want.

Equality fuckin’ ROCKS!

Love Those Non-Violent Womyn…

This morning I was musing (once again) about how we womyn are never violent and are never responsible for any form of domestic violence. Even though we are no different from men, we simply don’t get those nasty male impulses to hurt others.

Wonderfully, the integrity of my sense of moral superiority was not at all injured by these news items from the last few days:

This feisty heroine assaulted her husband with boiling oil while he slept.

Police believe Edna May Sanders turned on the stove Friday in her Diamondhead home and heated about two quarts of household cooking oil, waited until the grease reached a simmer and her husband was in a sound sleep and then poured it on him, covering his head, face, chest and arms.

“When we got there he was in bad shape; his entire hand, the skin came off, and it looked like a glove,” Fayard said.

That, my systyrs, was not merely one of the most horrible assaults you can ever imagine. It was 350-degree justice!

I cannot blame this poor, oppressed creature for lashing-out at her class-enemy because it was done in self-defense. That sleeping man was about to imminently attack her. That’s why she had enough time to heat-up the oil.

I can only imagine that she chose her weapon as a way of expressing her frustration at being forced to cook meals. And if she gets apprehended, I imagine that she will claim that she was abused and therefore had no option but to dump super-hot liquid all over her husband. That’s right, no other option.

Alas, the male had the last laugh in this story. In his final act of aggression, the crispy-skinned bastard inconsiderately up and died a few days later.

I swear, men will do anything to avoid learning their lessons!

Also of great interest is a trial which opened for a fearless coochie-warrior who drowned her quadriplegic ex-husband in a bathtub.

Why didn’t he help out with the housework more often, huh? Lazy jerk-off.

Again, we can all agree that this was legitimate self-defense. The paralyzed man was poised to attack. He’d craftily spent whole decades plotting and scheming. He was biding his time, leading his ex-wife into a false sense of security, waiting for the right occasion to strike.

Las Vegas prosecutors claim that an angry and embittered Guzman intentionally drowned Mark Richards over his decision to end their six-year relationship.

As anyone will agree, that is a perfectly legitimate provocation. If you need more proof, just listen to the voice of the real victim:

“He was mean and very demanding,” Guzman told detectives. “I was just doing everything for him, you know, and basically he would treat me like crap.”

Normally, we feminists descend like a pack of wild animals whenever victim-blaming takes place. But we don’t really feel the need to get so worked-up about it in this instance because everyone knows that womyn are never violent and our penis-bearing oppressors are less-than-human anyway. There is therefore no limit on the amount of damage that we should be allowed to inflict on those bastards.

Hey if these two womyn are guilty of anything, they’re guilty of excessive innocence!

Female “Perpetrators” Are Real Victims/Male “Victims” Are To Blame

Interesting news: A new study suggests that the majority of sexual offenses in the U.S. prison system is committed by female workers.

Roughly half of all sexual impropriety reported in U.S. prisons and jails last year was perpetrated by correctional staff, not inmates.

Female staff were the offenders in two-thirds of the prison cases, and two-thirds of the victims of prison staff were male inmates, according to the U.S. Bureau of Justice Statistics.

Even though I love the thought of a handcuffed male inmate being repeatedly ass-raped by a wom*n’s righteous truncheon just as much as any other feminist does (Hah!), the article depicts (yet another) patriarchal conspiracy. A conspiracy to rob womyn of the pleasure that comes with zipless-fuckingan excitingly tattooed convict on the wet concrete floor of the prison laundry:

….While there is an element of supposed romance noted in many of the cases, sexual relations of any kind between prison employees and inmates are considered nonconsensual by law because of the inherent power that staff have over prisoners. In Virginia it is a felony punishable by up to five years in prison.

See? The patriarchy will go any length to exert control over our pussies! I refuse to be punished for having sex! I fucks whoever I wants, so keep your goddamned “laws” offa mah bah-deh!!

If were to get a job in a Virginia prison and it struck my fancy to suck-off a gorgeously muscled hottie named “Bonecrusher” through the little door I slip his food through, I’ll run the risk of being sent to prison. And in prison, I won’t be safe from staff who subject me to their sexual advances. Do you see how unfair that is!? It’s a vicious cycle where men enjoy all the advantages at every stage!

And before any people out there get on my back about how I “missed the point” of the article, you should see that there is a perfectly reasonable explanation that female prison staff appear to be less-than wholly perfect. The “victims” are actually to blame and the “perpetrators” are the real victims:

Smith said it is not surprising that a larger number of female staff in prisons are involved in sex offenses. Male inmates outnumber female inmates more than 10-to-1… assuming most staff and most inmates are heterosexual, you would expect to find more female staff reported as perpetrators and more male inmates as victims, she said.

“You will often find that the culture that allows this kind of stuff to happen is also a culture that is particularly inhospitable to female staff,”

All righty then! It’s the fault of the so-called “victims” because they are so numerous. Since we all agree that any silly excuse will do if it’ll help a womyn escape being held to account, this one is fine with me.

And not only that, the prison climate is “inhospitable” to female staff– maybe even exposing them to (horror of horrors) sexual harassment! Why, the female prison staff is even more uncomfortable than whoever actually happens to be living there. Womyn are the real victims once again!

(Sigh!) Why do I still get outraged at this point, systyrs? It seems like a waste of perfectly good bile.

Bombardment of Israel/Lebanon Hits Women the Hardest

One thing is perfectly clear about the recent wave of violence in the Near East: only womyn are being victimized by it. This is because womyn are always the hardest-hit by any catastrophe. Since male violence always gets directed (and blamed) upon womyn and their bodies, this latest conflict can be no different.

Both the Israelis and Hezbollah have their teeny little dicks-out of their pants and are waving them around, trying to show whose is bigger. Isn’t that just typical male behavior? It would be a pathetic spectacle except that womyn are the only ones hurt by it. As usual.

Hezbollah has been firing dozens of ‘Katyusha’ rockets at northern Israel. Katyusha is Russian for ‘little Kate’. I don’t know who this Kate is, but she’s sure a fine scapegoat even though all the rockets are shaped like penises. As usual, we can always count on the Patriarchy to find some slut to blame.

Causing even more destruction than slut-blaming rockets is the IDF’s bombing and shelling. Obviously, the burning fuel tanks at Beirut airport were filled with womyn’s bodies. If there were any men nearby, absolutely no violence would’ve been directed against them.

Beirut1

In fact, all targets across Lebanon have been constructed entirely out of womyn’s bodies: every seaport, airport, bridge and power plant. All bombed to satisfy the sadistic blood-lust that characterizes pathetic men who wish only to harm and enslave uteruses for their own evil pleasure.

But since we’re on the topic of the Arab-Israeli conflict, it might be a good time for me to mention a great non-violent womyn of herstory: Golda Meir.

GoldaMeir

Ms. Meir was Prime Minister of Israel from 1969 until 1974. Her devotion to non-violence and peace can be discerned by her self-described “intransigence” when it came to ignoring dovish members of her own cabinet as well as snubbing an offered peace treaty from Anwar Sadat in February of 1971. But finest of all was a 1973 incident that really demonstrated how much she respected human life:

On February 21st of that year Libyan Arab Airlines flight 114, an unarmed 727 full of passengers, was coming-in for a landing at Cairo. It went off-course in bad weather and accidentally strayed into Israeli airspace over the Sinai Peninsula. Mistakenly beliving the aircraft to be on a military mission, two F-4s of the IDF intercepted the plane and shot it down, killing 108 people on board.

In reaction, Ms. Meir did what any nurturing womyn would: she praised all of those involved and proudly handed-out medals to the pilots. Soon after, she traveled to the US to request more military aid.

Yes, Golda gives me hope for the future. If womyn were in charge of running the world, there would never be any more violence or misery of any kind. Never ever ever.