My Latino Boyfriend Broke-Up With Me!!

Well Gyrls, it finally happened.

The man whom I had generously allowed into my personal space has let me down for the last time! (Cue the lighting bolts and thunder!)

My Latino boyfriend, who proves that I am not a man-hater, is now my EX-Latino boyfriend!

God damn piece of shit! PATRIARCHAL RAPE-TOOL HAVER!

Yes I really am THAT angry, systers! I am so angry that I am perfectly calm. This level of fury has never before been exposed on this site and I hope any manpig reading this is torn to shreds by its force. Let this be a warning! Men really ARE the evil abusers we feminists routinely (and perfectly fairly) characterize them as. And I am surviving proof of it! I know you share my pain in a completely powerful and fulfilling way so I feel safe telling you about the horror of the last few days…

I won’t go into the details of our prior “association” (the mere thought that he came anywhere near me with the barbarous device he calls “genitalia” fills me with dread) however I had always felt that this “man” was more of a “lady” than anything else. Before anyone takes that as an insult (how could any MAN ever compare to womyn’s glory I ask you??) you should know that he really did behave like a proper lady-boy. I obviously and unfortunately mistook him as being a SAFE male because he was NO such thing!

His meek little act and deceptively callow physique only allowed him to fraudulently ensnare me with his evil male gaze!

How did I come to realize this and escape his grasping man-claws? In an instant of carelessness, a crack formed in his little facade and I was too clever to miss it.

It happened when we were alone together, waching my “Thelma and Louise” DVD for the 53,143th time. Just after the bit when the guy said “bitch” and Thelma righteously shot him, my ex-Latino boyfriend said: “You know, this film is starting to feel a little stale.”

My mouth dropped open and that’s when I slapped the dickless loser across the back of his pitiful little pin-head!

Instead of thanking me for freeing his mind of such crazy thoughts, he suddenly looked hurt and bewildered… I mean WTF?! If he’s hurt by a little playful slapping then how can he STAND-UP FOR ME in the face of other men? I mean, I handle myself really well of course but the powerful Patriarchal rape-squads like the ones at Duke U parties are simply more than any powerful womyn like me can fight on her own. And since the rape-squads are literally EVERYWHERE, you can see how dire the situation is!

I started callling him every bad word I can. Deservedly so! After a forty-minute yelling tirade, (which is unusually short by my standards) I left the swine crying in the living room.

Once I realized that he had NO INTENTION OF PROTECTING ME and was merely using me for his own twisted pleasure, I resolved to rush-out to an emergency counseling session to help me avoid this kind of dishonest trap again.

And he even said that he “loved” me. (PUKE!) As if men can possibly feel love in the vast and infinite way womyn feel it!

Also, I’m pretty sure that the stupid little boy raped me at some point, though it might be a repressed memory.

So ex-boyfriend is GONE now gyrrrls, and there really are NO GOOD MEN out there. Now I am free to pursue the goals of universal systerhood to the benefit of us all. My fury and destructive power knows no bounds and no more mercy will be shown to the oppressor classes!

And you’d better believe that my next Latino boyfriend will know how to watch his mouth.