Us White College Womyn Are SO Oppressed, WE Should Riot Too!

Every now and then, I get SO fucking tired of being oppressed that I just want to scream.

I look at all the oppression that has been routinely inflicted on womyn all through herstory. The foot-binding of womyn in Tang dynasty China, the bride burning in India and Pakistan, honor killings in the Muslim world, infibulation in sub-Saharan Africa. And, as I solemnly observed last month, the expansion of the Assyrian Empire hit womyn the hardest. But all of this pales in comparision to the most vicious, degrading and monstrous form of oppression of all- that which gets directed at womyn like ME.

Sure, I’m white. (But that doesn’t mean I enjoy white privileges.) Sure, I come from a middle-class suburb. (But that doesn’t mean my family ever gave me any advantages.) Sure, I’m in college. (But that only proves how hard it is for womyn to get education.) Sure, I have people offering to hold doors open for me and I never have to pay for my own dinner or lift anything heavy if I don’t feel like it. (But that just symbolizes how little respect I get.) And sure, I brag that I’m a sexy gorgeous goddess. (Not that it matters, since my brain is what I want people to admire.) But all of that doesn’t mean I’m not still horribly and pitiably oppressed by men, who I am also equally tough and capable as anyway.

Despite the fact I’m in my twenties, I’ve been oppressed for thousands of years. And I can’t imagine ANY group that is more oppressed in the whole world than white, middle-class, suburban college womyn in the early 21st century. And when I spotted this post on, it got me thinking: if black womyn wonder if they’re justified by rioting- then why shouldn’t us white middle-class college womyn consider rioting as well? We are obviously the most oppressed group of them all, so anything we could ever do is absolutely acceptable.

To my black sisters: not only is it a “white power structure”, it is a “white male power structure”. So that gets us white womyn totally off the hook. None of us white chicks ever aidedabetted or benefitted from the kinds of injustices which have been rampant throughout the sad history of race-relations… That’s why we can go to bed at night without any trace of guilt.

And to my white middle-class college-educated sisters: because we’re so horribly beaten-down and subjugated and deprived and unfairly-treated, this means we ought to riot! RIGHT NOW! Just like the riots in France, we must throw stones! We must overturn cars and light them ablaze! We must put the torch to any building that displays pornography. Or images of models who are thinner and more beautiful than we are. Or messages that promote violence– against womyn, that is.

We must do this to show that, gosh-darn it, us white middle-class suburban college wimun of the industrialized world are pissed-off as hell and we’re not gonna take it anymore!!!!!!!111!

So go outside this instant! Grab a crowbar, start swinging! Throw Molotov cocktails! Bash-in everything you see! Loot a Shop-N-Save! If the police tries to arrest or restrain you, then that’s more delicious proof of your oppression which indicates that everything you’ve done is wholly justified. There’s no way you can lose this game, darling!

Being oppressed has never felt so sweet…