Text of email sent to Kim Gandy, President of NOW:
Subject: Seeking Volunteers For New Gender-Parity Campaign
Dear Ms. Gandy,
We wish to inform you of a new gender-parity campaign for which Feministing is in the process of organizing volunteers.
Like the wider feminist community, we are deeply committed to ensuring equal representation of women in all spheres of public life. And we have special concern about recent events In Iraq and Afghanistan where dozens of suicide-bombings have been taking place every month. Although women are equally-capable of concealing powerful explosives under our clothes while walking across a crowded bazaar, we have represented well below 10% of those involved. This shocking disparity demonstrates that the recruitment process for kamikaze-style attacks is gender-biased and denies women their fair share. That is why Feministing has set an ambitious goal: we hope to promote gender-parity for suicide-bombings by the year 2011.
Commendably, dozens of ground-breaking women in Chechnya, Sri Lanka and the West Bank have made significant progress but the level of their efforts has not been enough to achieve fully equal participation. Far worse is the situation in the so-called “advanced” western world where almost nothing is being done to inspire and nurture the next generation of female suicide-bombers.
In order to prevent women from being shut-out and shortchanged, we have a number of exciting ideas for the medium-term future: “Tape Your Daughter To Grenades Day” in participating public schools. Organizations on university campuses dedicated to seeking-out and mentoring the best female candidates. Federal grants to teach women vital skills like jury-rigging electrical wiring, how to make rapid-reactants from household chemicals, and how to evade airport security.
Our plans require a lot of dedicated volunteers and we can’t do it without you. By now, you’re probably interested enough to ask “What can I do to help?”
The answer is simple enough: take it upon yourself to demonstrate that being a suicide-bomber is a feasible career-option and the “cool” thing for women to do. Most convenient of all, you’ll only need to do it once. We also ask that you kindly forward this message to every feminist who wishes women to be equally-represented in all fields. This will give her a great opportunity to prove how serious she really is.
We hope to one day see a world in which women feel equally free to detonate a backpack full of plastique while riding a packed subway train. Won’t you join our campaign? It’ll be a blast!
To learn more, visit: http://feministing.org
“We’re in our twenties and we’ve been oppressed for thousands of years!”