Asteroid Impacts Hit Women the Hardest

I don’t really know a whole lot about “science” junk. A lot of it is patriarchal gobbledegook that I usually don’t bother with. Especially the bits that don’t support the narrow ideological world-view that I passionately cling to no matter what.

And I’m especially disinterested in astronomy. Such violent, male-glorifying concepts as the “Big Bang” are a Big Turnoff; the phrase “Black Hole” was developed by misogynistic, gynophobic astronomers to frighten wimyn away from their suspiciously penis-like observatories.

But this article caught my eye because of the sheer horror it embodies for all womin everywhere: Space “probe” pulls alongside asteroid.

And why do you think this so-called “probe” is there? Look what’s going to happen!

ItokawaRape

The Hayabusa probe is going to brutally RAPE that poor astro-victim! A horrid phallus is going to be fire its seed into the pure and virginal surface of that innocent, passive space-rock in an attempt to humiliate and degrade all us wimmin back on earth. This wretched act was deliberately calculated to keep us living in our usual state of perpetual fear!

And this is a pattern, my sisters. An unmistakable pattern that I see time and time again everywhere I turn.

In July, the notoriously female-unfriendly NASA used a distinctly penile-shaped craft to put-on a sick interplanetary porn show. This so-called “Deep Impact” mission Deep Throated a heavenly body by painfully augering a “penetrator” deep within its silky soft comet-pussy in a non-consensual manner.

TempelRape

This sick astro-rape fantasy was seen online by thousands of horny perverted men! And in the typical game of blame-the-victim, they probably accused poor Tempel 1 of deserving it because she wore a short skirt. The bastards.

And what would happen if a ponderous chunk of oppressive male debris decides to rape Mother Earth?

impact

Without a doubt, wimyn will be the biggest victims of all because we are uniquely vulnerable to having tons of red-hot nickel-iron falling out the sky at high velocities. Men will stand-around laughing at us without a scratch while us poor womyn get smashed to atoms!

Sisters, maybe I say this every week, but I have never before been so angered in my life as I am right now!

Expansion of The Assyrian Empire Hits Women The Hardest

As part of our celebration of Wimmin’s Herstory Month, I wanted to give (yet) another example of how wymyn have been so gorgeously victimized since the beginning of time. Yes my sisters, men’s pee-pees may be too soft, small and icky to ever sexually-satisfy us, but they are the most threateningweapons that have ever been created.

Did you know that penises have killed more womyn than gunpowder and mustard-gas combined?

And there is no finer tale of anti-woomin terror than the herstory of the ancient Middle East. I was originally going to entitle this post “Hittites Hit Womyn the Hardest” because of its greater alliterative properties, but I couldn’t find enough emotionally-manipulative anecdotes that would help me reach the conclusion that I wanted to arrive-at.

I’ll instead be discussing the penis-having Assyrians and how the expansion of their territorial boundaries turned womyn into the pitiable victims of patriarchy that they always seem to wind-up as. But please do not let this kind of narrative insinuate that womyn are ever flawed, less-intelligent or weak in any way. On the contrary– womyn are exactly as tough, smart and capable as men, except womyn become their victims all the time.

On to Assyria:

Assyria

Growing-out of an alliance between a number of theocratic city-states in today’s northern Iraq around 1800 BCE, Assyria became a boiling, fetid cauldron of masculine lust for gore forever in search of poor victims to victimize. Like all men, the Assyrians were a mindless herd of rampaging animals gripped by nothing but a single obsession: THE OPPRESSION OF WYMIN.

Lacking a sufficient supply of sweet sweet vaginas to dominate, the kings of Assyria naturally began to push the national boundaries ever-outwards. Over a period of centuries, they conquered Babylon, Syria, Phoenicia, Elam, Israel and reached as far as Egypt. As is the case for all violence, only wimyn were ever hurt by it.

Take Ashurnasirpal II, for instance. Below, we see him playing with his schlong. It seems huge, but it is incapable of satisfying me and I am not interested in it anyway:

Ashurnasirpal

His career illustrates what every man would love to do if given the chance. While advancing towards what is today the coasts of Syria and Lebanon, he engaged in the impalement of whole communities and mass executions. Rebels were flayed or burned alive or had their noses, ears and/or fingers cut off. He beheaded enemies and stacked-up the heads in mounds. And, more than anything else, he craved the precious pussies of white, middle-class, college-educated liberated wymun like you and me.

Inscribed around 841 BCE, the following quote comes from a cuneiform-covered stele honoring King Shalmaneser III:

I descended to the land of Namri. Ianzû, king of Namri, was frightened before my mighty weapons, and he went up into the mountains to save his life. I captured Sihishalah, Bît-tamul, Bît-sakki, Bît-shedi, his fortified cities. I slew his warriors; I carried off his spoil. I destroyed, devastated, and burned his cities with fire. The rest of them went up into the mountains. I stormed and captured the mountain peak; I slew their warriors. I brought down their booty and goods.

Hah! See? The pig was looking for booty! Typical man!

And refering to King Esarhaddon’s campaigns against the Egyptians in 671, another stele brags with typical male swaggering braggadocio:

From the town of Ishupri as far as Memphis, his royal residence, a distance of fifteen days’ march, I fought daily, without interruption, very bloody battles against Tirhakah, king of Egypt and Ethiopia, the one accursed by all the great gods. Five times I hit him with the point of my arrows, inflicting wounds from which he should not recover, and then I laid siege to Memphis, his royal residence, and conquered it in half a day by means of mines, breaches, and assault ladders; I destroyed it, tore down its walls, and burned it down.

VICTIMIZING ONLY THE SUPPLE WOMYN, the author fails to add. Typical fucking man, overlooking that fact.

The bas-relief below is taken from a ruin in Nimrud. It shows the patriarchal Assyrian soldiers under King Ashurbanipal ransacking and depopulating a lesbian wicca commune in the Nile valley in 667 BCE.

Nimrud

As you can see, the peaceful dyke-sisters must halt their worship of the True Mother-Moon-Goddess and are being led to prison in suburban kitchens. There, they will be forced to bake brownies and be brainwashed into thinking they want heterosexual intercourse.

Both of these things are forms of insidious male oppression that have been handed-down until the present day.

Eventually the litany of Assyrian terror and plunder came to an end. Their capital of Nineveh was put to the torch by the armies of Babylonia and Medes. The inhabitants were slaughtered, survivors were enslaved, the palace was sacked and destroyed. Again, females were the sole victims throughout.

When oh WHEN will violence against womyn (the only violence that really matters) ever come to an end?!

Thanksgiving Dinner Hits Women The Hardest

If my righteous ass-kicking grrrlfriends manage to find a few minutes in which they can stop being relentlessly oppressed, I’d like to wish them all a Happy Thanksgiving.

But the Penisocracy never takes a holiday, does it?

Today is a great opportunity to shout belittling insults at your fathers, brothers, grandfathers and male cousins to teach them a lesson they won’t soon forget. Serves them goddamned right. But if any of them are gay, they ought to be exempted from your ire.

You should also show condescending levels of pity towards your mothers, who were forced at gunpoint to cook meals against their gorgeously beaten-down wills.

Global Warming Hits Women The Hardest

Yes, yet ANOTHER problem that us wymynists can blame entirely on our penisbearing oppressors.

And what a relief to see this! I was running-out of new things to be furious at men about this week.

“Women and men are differently affected by climate change and they contribute differently to climate change,” said Ulrike Rohr, director of the German-based group called “Genanet-Focal point gender, Environment, Sustainability.”

Rohr, who is demanding “climate gender justice,” left no doubt as to which gender she believes was the chief culprit in emitting greenhouse gasses.

Are you really surprised, my systyrs? Of course not.

One of the best things about being a feminist is that we always know exactly who to blame.

I’m sure Ms. Rohr can also explain why wimmin are hardest-hit by the hole in the Ozone layer. The fault of that is men’s as well.

Us feminists also insist the same is true for oil spills, volcanic eruptions, polio, bad breath and pretty much anything else that can ever annoy you. But I digress from the boundless wisdom of Ms. Rohr…

“At least in the developing countries, it is women who are more affected because they are more vulnerable, so they don’t have access to money to go outside the country or go somewhere else to earn money and they have to care for their families,” she said.

And because we are so fragile and helpless, womyn can’t swim as well as men can. When the ice-caps melt, we will be reduced to the level of near-chattel as we cling perilously to bits of floating wreckage. Men will laugh down at us from their luxury yachts, plucking us from the briny drink only when they want to rape us! Hasn’t anyone seen Waterworld?

Systyrs, you should all be terrified by this dark, wet future.

How can men be the ones at fault for such an enormous environmental problem? Well, they’re probably the ones who discovered fire. They also built combustion engines, jet engines, electrical plants and any sort of technology that uses fuel or chops-down forests. And none of those things have ever been used by womyn.

I don’t even know how to change the oil in my SUV! How can I possibly bear any responsibility for global warming?

The solution is quite logical: From this day forward, only men should be subject to greenhouse-gas restrictions. Us wimyn shouldn’t ever have our behavior regulated, we can be as wasteful as we like.

It must be done for the sake of equality, naturally!

Bowling Balls Hit Women the Hardest

As I type this, the Bush administration is waging a massive War Against Womyn- a war unlike any other!

It is a war that lacks battle-maps, artillery firebases and a formal declaration. It is a war without sand-bagged fortifications, without barbed wire, without kevlar helmets… in fact, it is without anything you’d expect to find in a regular war. Except for victims. And the victims are all on one side: poor, forgotten, sympathy-evoking womyn who suffer oh-so-beautifully and valorously.

The phrase “War Against Womyn” is not an example of vacuous hyperbole or a poorly-chosen melodramatic metaphor. Nor is it indicative of deeply-ingrained persecution fantasies. No, it is an aptly accurate description of every womyn’s life every second of the day, every day of the past 10,000 years. Really it is. And even though us womyn are equally strong and capable as men, we were too weak and incapable to have lifted a finger to help ourselves until the final three decades of the past ten millennia. Such a compelling and believable narrative should never be ignored– nor should it be pondered too critically.

Anyway, the War Against Wymun is also a war of deception. To give a modern example: the penis-having Busheviks* hide their undying hatred for womyn by cynically supporting the voting rights of Iraqi and Afghan womyn. What a diabolical form of reverse-psychology!

Despite this fog of feints and misdirections, us feminists can see what’s really going on under the surface: The Patriarchy’s secret battle-plan calls for the complete annihilation of womyn. And once we’re all dead, we’ll be made into slaves.

Every so often, the Patriarchy will leak their plans in a secret code which is so subtle that only a well-trained feminist can spot it. One such coded example is the sport of bowling.

For only the most naïve of fools could believe that bowling is actually about knocking down “pins”.

Strike

Could it be by accident that these “bowling pins” resemble pregnant female forms?

The pins stand there, so innocently and sweetly. They chat back and forth like a flock of gentle hummingbirds sipping the nectar of fragrant daffodils softly bobbing in a warm springtime zephyr. Suddenly, Patriarchy rudely rolls-in like a boulder and sadistically smashes them all, making them suffer and cry-out in agony. “Why?” they wail in unison. “Why must us innocent womyn suffer so gorgeously under the well-polished sphere of Patriarchy??”

It happens over and over in real life, my systyrs. Over and over.

As every feminist knows, the typical man has a schizophrenic, outdated pea-brain which simultaneously loves and despises wide female birthing hips. He despises them because of jealousy, as he cannot have such hips himself. He secretly yearns to become pregnant, which is why he hates womyn’s bodies and wishes to control womyn’s bodies and wishes to roll heavy objects over womyn’s bodies. It’s no wonder that this popular “sport” is little more than a subtle manifestation of this infamous plot.

If you ever watch a bowling match, you’ll see that a male participant gets a voyeuristic thrill every time a handily-immobile womyn-symbol gets knocked-down. And HOW the boys love knocking them down! Battering them. Brutalizing them. Dehumanizing them. Making helpless victims suffer on the floor of an “alley.” Not a single one can be “spared.” Grrrrr!

I challenge you to watch the horror in all its demented ghastliness. Watch their pathetic attempts to prove their manliness. They heft their “balls” from scrotumlike carrying cases and hurl them in Australopithecine feats of strength. Watch as these primitive swine mark their “score” cards in displays of vulgar bravado. Watch them give each other congratulatory high-fives in ritualized self-glorifications after each “strike” when we all know EXACTLY who they’re “striking” in their minds.

Sprinkled among them, you’ll find so-called “women’s bowling leagues”. These ghettoized, subordinate, brainwashed groups are full of dumpy-looking, self-hating collaborators who are required to wear deliberately unflattering shoes and tee-shirts. Every womun must bend to the all-important male will and these pathetic puppets are no exception.

Bowling

Note their dulled, glazed, Stepford-Wife eyes as they shamble-about in a laughable attempt to ape the behavioral models foisted-upon them by their mighty Alpha-wolf oppressors. These hapless victims don’t comprehend the extent to which their bodies have been enslaved, colonized and deconstructed by the phallocentric terror that this perverse “game” engenders. A terror that pervades everything and everyone, making the control and domination of womyn all the easier!

My systyrs, this relentless symbolic smashing of the female form cannot be allowed to continue. I beseech you to phone every bowling alley in your city and tell them exactly where to cram their tiny pencils!

*“Penis-having Busheviks” may include such personages as Condoleeza Rice, Karen Hughes, Gale Norton, Margaret Spellings, Ann Veneman and Elaine Chao. Us feminists refuse to recognize these individuals as officially lacking penises.

Male Longevity Hits Women The Hardest

A few days ago, the New York Times published an article about the life-expectancy differences between the sexes. It’s one gender-gap that we feminists don’t ever protest because it’s an inequality which favors womyn, who are the biologically superior sex by far.

The article is entitled: The Bell Tolls for the Future Merry Widow (registration required for reading.)

The background? The gap between male and female life expectancy is narrowing:

…the National Center for Health Statistics reports this month that the gap between them has shrunk to five years, the narrowest since 1946. If current trends continue, in 50 years men and women will live the same length of time.

And if we feminists actually liked men, we’d consider this to be good news.

But alas, we don’t and it isn’t.

As Kate Zernike, the author, astutely points-out: if men were to live longer, they will only use their extra years to make us wimmin miserable:

This is better news for men than for women, if you believe some economists and therapists. It’s not just the extra years; it’s all those extra meals to prepare.

The nerve! Those damned men will be able to continue breathing air which is rightfully ours! By their inconsiderate failure to croak on schedule, men will do something that winds-up hitting us poor wimmin the hardest.

That’s because in the eyes of us feminists, sharing old age with the person you’ve loved for many years can only be a complete hell for the wife. As the article informs us, everything is infinitely better once those nasty men grow enough brains to kick the bucket and give their suffering captives some peace:

Women not only do fine despite a spouse’s death, they may even do better.

“In married couples, women tend to be the ones who manage the social sphere,” said Laura L. Carstensen, a professor of psychology at Stanford University and director of the Life-span Development Laboratory there. “They’re the ones who make dinner plans and invite friends over for weekends. So a man loses a social network, whereas a woman continues to make plans and see people.”

So why don’t those bastards just up and DIE already? As long as they will us their money, that is. That’s all that they’re good for:

There is a lot of poverty among older single women, so if men live longer, that’s good economically, for women and men,” Ms. Hartmann said. “Men are generally happier when they’re married. The women may not be happier, but at least they’ve got more money.”

If I ever got married, (PUKE!) I’d simply order the jerk to throw me his wallet and jump-off the nearest skyscraper. That’d save us each a lot of trouble.

Well my systyrs, I think the next step is for us to protest the closing of this longevity gap. We must petition the government to forbid health care for elderly men so that more widows can enjoy their old age in happy solitude!

In fact, we must do everything we possibly can to ensure that men die in vast numbers and leave us on the splendid, all-wimmin planet that we feminists yearn for in our works of unspeakably bad science fiction and in our genocidal political manifestos which we proudly showcase at Sweet Briar College, as if such rantings have intellectual merit.

Update:

As recommended by the commenter Hujo, I am now looking at an article in the British Medical Journal which rejoices that when it comes to life expectancy, women are now on top everywhere! Hooray for equality! And some of the letters in reaction to it– correction, the fucking pathetic small-dicked whining in reaction to it– is quite revealing:

With distress I read your editorial titled “Life expectancy: women now on top everywhere”; from its coquettish title to the inflammatory quote by Timothy Leary, proponent for the therapeutic and spiritual benefits of LSD, all the way to the first sentence’s disdainful and sexist encouragement for “at least a quiet celebration” that women can now expect to live longer than men everywhere. Can you imagine the outcry if such a remark in a medical journal were directed towards women—well, there’s the politically correct point: such a hateful remark directed at women would never be allowed.

“Wahh! Wahh! Wahh! Look at me, I’m a fucking misogynist patriarchal loser who doesn’t understand the meaning of equality!”

Oh lookie here. Here’s another small-dicked asshole who is compensating for his small dick:

I found the tone to be offensive, particularly the ‘humourous’ title, along with the Timothy Leary quote, which seems to be an attempt to conflate an ideology (feminism) with medical findings – highly inappropriate.

Oh yeah? Well I say it’s inappropriate to NOT infuse medicine with feminism because medicine is already so patriarchal. Much in the same way that we feminists accuse every blade of grass in the world of being patriarchal.

How far has society gone when we should quietly celebrate men dieing earlier than women?

What happened to the equality movement for women? Were they even looking for equality – judging by this article, no. It is probably a testament to how focused we are on ensuring women get what they want that we actually have people ‘quietly celebrating’ mens shorter life expectancy.

Oh, sure. Blame the feminists for the fact that gleefully celebrating the superiority of women in obstensibly professional medical journals is perfectly acceptible to us when we explode into screaming tantrums whenever anyone suggests that men have even a slight biological advantage over women.

I don’t know where the author got that insane feminist-blaming idea from! Fucking bastard ought to go shoot himself in the head and do us all a favor. Goddess, that’d be fun to watch.

Our Right to Vote is About to Be Repealed!

I have no proof of this.

But I do have proof of one thing: you can’t trust the Patriarchy.

I had a terrible dream last night. An omyn of things to come…

We finally elected a female President. And when she went to the UN, she was raped by the other male heads of state! Right there on the floor of the Economic and Social Council Chamber. On live TV.

This could actually happen one day!

Eternal vigilance, my systyrs. We can’t let our guard down- not even for one second.

Bombardment of Israel/Lebanon Hits Women the Hardest

One thing is perfectly clear about the recent wave of violence in the Near East: only womyn are being victimized by it. This is because womyn are always the hardest-hit by any catastrophe. Since male violence always gets directed (and blamed) upon womyn and their bodies, this latest conflict can be no different.

Both the Israelis and Hezbollah have their teeny little dicks-out of their pants and are waving them around, trying to show whose is bigger. Isn’t that just typical male behavior? It would be a pathetic spectacle except that womyn are the only ones hurt by it. As usual.

Hezbollah has been firing dozens of ‘Katyusha’ rockets at northern Israel. Katyusha is Russian for ‘little Kate’. I don’t know who this Kate is, but she’s sure a fine scapegoat even though all the rockets are shaped like penises. As usual, we can always count on the Patriarchy to find some slut to blame.

Causing even more destruction than slut-blaming rockets is the IDF’s bombing and shelling. Obviously, the burning fuel tanks at Beirut airport were filled with womyn’s bodies. If there were any men nearby, absolutely no violence would’ve been directed against them.

Beirut1

In fact, all targets across Lebanon have been constructed entirely out of womyn’s bodies: every seaport, airport, bridge and power plant. All bombed to satisfy the sadistic blood-lust that characterizes pathetic men who wish only to harm and enslave uteruses for their own evil pleasure.

But since we’re on the topic of the Arab-Israeli conflict, it might be a good time for me to mention a great non-violent womyn of herstory: Golda Meir.

GoldaMeir

Ms. Meir was Prime Minister of Israel from 1969 until 1974. Her devotion to non-violence and peace can be discerned by her self-described “intransigence” when it came to ignoring dovish members of her own cabinet as well as snubbing an offered peace treaty from Anwar Sadat in February of 1971. But finest of all was a 1973 incident that really demonstrated how much she respected human life:

On February 21st of that year Libyan Arab Airlines flight 114, an unarmed 727 full of passengers, was coming-in for a landing at Cairo. It went off-course in bad weather and accidentally strayed into Israeli airspace over the Sinai Peninsula. Mistakenly beliving the aircraft to be on a military mission, two F-4s of the IDF intercepted the plane and shot it down, killing 108 people on board.

In reaction, Ms. Meir did what any nurturing womyn would: she praised all of those involved and proudly handed-out medals to the pilots. Soon after, she traveled to the US to request more military aid.

Yes, Golda gives me hope for the future. If womyn were in charge of running the world, there would never be any more violence or misery of any kind. Never ever ever.

I Knew It!!

The growth of cervical and womb cancers may be fuelled by a hormone-like molecule in semen, a study suggests.

Men cause cancer!!!

I’ve been saying it for years and everyone laughed at me. As much as I hate to say ‘told ya so’ well, I told ya so.

But the sciencetician people who made this discovery are too cowardly to suggest the most obvious solution:

“The most important thing that women can do at this time to prevent cervical cancer from developing is to go for regular cervical smear tests.”

Yeah, don’t attack the real cause of the disease. Good job, guys. Gotta protect those all-important Sieg-Heil! erections of yours.

Pffft! What-the-fuck-ever!